The 50 MUST read Roy Keane facts

  1. Oscar Pistorius lost both legs after a Roy Keane tackle
  1. Roy Keane believes clones of Paul Scholes live on Mars, which is why the planet is red.

Paul Scholes

  1. Zayn Malik quit One Direction after finding out Roy Keane’s daughter had a crush on him.
  1. Santa sits on Roy Keane’s lap and confesses who has been naughty and nice.
  1. Every knock knock joke ends with Roy Keane knocking someone’s teeth out.
  1. Roy Keane always holds up zero fingers. Instead he curls them to make a fist.
  1. Bruce Jenner became a woman after realising he could never be as manly as Roy Keane
  1. The Isle of Man was originally named the Isle of Roy Keane, but because Roy is so manly they decided to name it the Isle of Man.
  1. At school, Roy Keane used to steal brother, Robbie Keane’s lunch money.
  1. Robbie Keane play’s for the LA Galaxy because he wants to live in a galaxy without Roy Keane.
  1. Roy Keane’s parents named him Roy because it was the manliest name they could think of.
  1. Roy is an abbreviation for death.
  1. Roy Keane’s teeth are actually boot studs. When he bites into food it sounds like bones breaking.
  1. There are not enough stars in the sky to match the amount of legs Roy Keane has broken.
  1. Roy Keane can see John Cena.

John Cena

  1. Roy Keane is fluent in Latin. That means, not only is he stronger then anyone else, he is also smarter.
  1. The only time Roy Keane has ever laughed was when Steven Gerrard slipped.
  1. Roy Keane is Austria’s favourite son and he is not even Austrian.
  1. Roy Keane makes The Rock look like a pebble.
  1. 60% of a male body is comprised of water, while Roy Keane’s body is 100% concrete.
  1. Roy Keane won a staring competition against his own reflection.
  1. Roy Keane will be the wall separating America and Mexico.
  1. Vladimir Putin once introduced himself to Roy Keane. Roy responded with “leave or I will Putin my fist down your throat and rip out your spine.”
  1. Moses could part the red sea, while Roy Keane can part a person’s body.
  1. The only actor mad enough to play Roy Keane is Mel Gibson.

Enter a caption

  1. When Roy Keane plays Fifa, every button allows him to tackle.
  1. Q. What’s green, as hard as a rock and can kill Superman?

A. Roy Keane

  1. Leprechauns do not make Roy Keane laugh.
  1. Roy Keane is the only person ever to have received a red card in a Foosball match.
  1. While grizzly bear’s hibernate, Roy Keane is hunting salmon to piss off the bears.
  1. Roy Keane know’s what Jehovah witnessed.
  1. Roy Keane received bribery payments from Sepp Blatter to ensure he stops injuring players.

Sepp ‘Money bags’ Blatter

  1. Jose Mourinho may be known as ‘The Special One’ but Roy Keane is known as ‘The Angry One’.
  1. Just when you thought Roy Keane could not get any scarier, he grew a beard.
  1. Roy Keane can use a man bun as an object of mass destruction.
  1. Roy Keane made Cristiano Ronaldo cry for four weeks by telling him he was ugly.
  1. Wayne Rooney lost his hair after a Roy Keane death stare.
  1. Roy Keane’s beard is made out of Ryan Gigg’s chest hair.

Ryan Giggs

  1. Michael Jackson turned white after a Roy Keane death stare.
  1. When Roy Keane punches someone in the face, they must apologise for their face making contact with his fist.
  1. Roy Keane eats iPhone’s because he believes they are apples.
  1. Roy Keane makes Lebron James look like a queen.
  1. Otters hold hands when they sleep. Roy Keane holds an opponents severed leg.
  1. Adolf Hitler committed suicide after hearing Roy Keane was planning to slide tackle him.
  1. It is illegal in 48 countries to utter the name ‘Roy Keane’
  1. No one knows why the chicken crossed the road because Roy Keane killed the chicken before it could provide an answer.
  1. Roy Keane came before the chicken and the egg.
  1. Liverpool supporters are told to ‘never walk alone’ because you never know when Roy Keane will slide tackle  you.
  1. Roy Keane has his own RKO, but people are too afraid to make vines about it.
  1. There are 200 corpses on Mount Everest. They were all victims of Roy Keane slide tackles.

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