- Oscar Pistorius lost both legs after a Roy Keane tackle
- Roy Keane believes clones of Paul Scholes live on Mars, which is why the planet is red.
- Zayn Malik quit One Direction after finding out Roy Keane’s daughter had a crush on him.
- Santa sits on Roy Keane’s lap and confesses who has been naughty and nice.
- Every knock knock joke ends with Roy Keane knocking someone’s teeth out.
- Roy Keane always holds up zero fingers. Instead he curls them to make a fist.
- Bruce Jenner became a woman after realising he could never be as manly as Roy Keane
- The Isle of Man was originally named the Isle of Roy Keane, but because Roy is so manly they decided to name it the Isle of Man.
- At school, Roy Keane used to steal brother, Robbie Keane’s lunch money.
- Robbie Keane play’s for the LA Galaxy because he wants to live in a galaxy without Roy Keane.
- Roy Keane’s parents named him Roy because it was the manliest name they could think of.
- Roy is an abbreviation for death.
- Roy Keane’s teeth are actually boot studs. When he bites into food it sounds like bones breaking.
- There are not enough stars in the sky to match the amount of legs Roy Keane has broken.
- Roy Keane can see John Cena.
- Roy Keane is fluent in Latin. That means, not only is he stronger then anyone else, he is also smarter.
- The only time Roy Keane has ever laughed was when Steven Gerrard slipped.
- Roy Keane is Austria’s favourite son and he is not even Austrian.
- Roy Keane makes The Rock look like a pebble.
- 60% of a male body is comprised of water, while Roy Keane’s body is 100% concrete.
- Roy Keane won a staring competition against his own reflection.
- Roy Keane will be the wall separating America and Mexico.
- Vladimir Putin once introduced himself to Roy Keane. Roy responded with “leave or I will Putin my fist down your throat and rip out your spine.”
- Moses could part the red sea, while Roy Keane can part a person’s body.
- The only actor mad enough to play Roy Keane is Mel Gibson.
- When Roy Keane plays Fifa, every button allows him to tackle.
- Q. What’s green, as hard as a rock and can kill Superman?
A. Roy Keane
- Leprechauns do not make Roy Keane laugh.
- Roy Keane is the only person ever to have received a red card in a Foosball match.
- While grizzly bear’s hibernate, Roy Keane is hunting salmon to piss off the bears.
- Roy Keane know’s what Jehovah witnessed.
- Roy Keane received bribery payments from Sepp Blatter to ensure he stops injuring players.
- Jose Mourinho may be known as ‘The Special One’ but Roy Keane is known as ‘The Angry One’.
- Just when you thought Roy Keane could not get any scarier, he grew a beard.
- Roy Keane can use a man bun as an object of mass destruction.
- Roy Keane made Cristiano Ronaldo cry for four weeks by telling him he was ugly.
- Wayne Rooney lost his hair after a Roy Keane death stare.
- Roy Keane’s beard is made out of Ryan Gigg’s chest hair.
- Michael Jackson turned white after a Roy Keane death stare.
- When Roy Keane punches someone in the face, they must apologise for their face making contact with his fist.
- Roy Keane eats iPhone’s because he believes they are apples.
- Roy Keane makes Lebron James look like a queen.
- Otters hold hands when they sleep. Roy Keane holds an opponents severed leg.
- Adolf Hitler committed suicide after hearing Roy Keane was planning to slide tackle him.
- It is illegal in 48 countries to utter the name ‘Roy Keane’
- No one knows why the chicken crossed the road because Roy Keane killed the chicken before it could provide an answer.
- Roy Keane came before the chicken and the egg.
- Liverpool supporters are told to ‘never walk alone’ because you never know when Roy Keane will slide tackle you.
- Roy Keane has his own RKO, but people are too afraid to make vines about it.
- There are 200 corpses on Mount Everest. They were all victims of Roy Keane slide tackles.
